Expectation are high. This is, after all, a movie brought to you by the fine folks that did “Machine Girl” as well as “Meatball Machine“. I tend to be a bit lenient on Tokyo Shock films, let’s see how this one fairs.
Alien Vs. Ninja, know more commonly(?) as AVN, is yet another in the long line of movie straight out of Japan that show just exactly how crazy Japanese directors sometimes get. It takes place back in feudal Japan, when ninjas were more prevalent in real life than in the cartoon form we now know. The story follows a group of ninjas that were sent on a scouting mission to investigate a meteorite that fell from the sky. What they discover is that it had an alien creature inside it, and like the comically fat ninja says “he just wants to kill everyone”.
Seeing as how they don’t want to die, and that the creature has now slaughtered two entire villages, the small group of ninjas set to destroy said monster. The monster is a hybrid of just about every sci-fi creature from the 20th century. It’s part “Alien”, part “Predator”, and one part “Tentacle Beast”. It’s blazing fast, agile, and has an apparent penchant for girlie bits. During one particular fight, with the only female ninja (a rather cute one at that) the monster actually makes that motion that you make when you pantomime that you are feeling a girls bewbs. Then it attacks her with his crazy prehensile tale, narrowly missing her crotch, only to then be kicked and then stabbed in the junk. Which apparently on aliens is in the same place it is on normal men.
Anyway, the movie is full of as much gore as the aliens are full of what looks like melted strawberry ice cream. There wasn’t anything particularly “gory” about it though. No blood shooting out at 120psi, no gross mutations of penis guns, and I think only once did someone get torn in half. On that note it isn’t really much of a “shock” movie per se.
It’s fun to watch if you have nothing else to do, but not something you should probably seek out. I honestly don’t even know how it came about that I myself found this one. Either way, if you like to watch people fighting imaginary creatures with swords, you could do a lot worse than AVN.
Seeing as how I am looking to come up with a “Bull Shit Movie of the Week” and this one was kinda decent… I don’t know if I should rate it low because it was good, or high because it wasn’t “bull shit”. So we’ll just say I give it three throat punches out of one tentacle porn.
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