Are you a “Gamer”? Do you like chicks? Do you want to play “Video Games” with “real” “Gamer” “Chicks”? Do you have absolutely NO self esteem? Got access to your parents’ credit cards? Wanna be ashamed of something more than that hug pillow and your rock sock? Then “GameCrush.com” is the place for you… loser.
Good God, people! I mean I like playing them there video games, but actually PAYING to play a game with a girl. Jesus! If you laughed at your friends for poop-socking WoW for days on end, then imagine how much fun it will be to rag on them for this.
In case you don’t know, Game Crush is a site where you can “have a Play Date” with a girl gamer. That’s right, you get to play games with girls that play the same games you do. For a measly $10 you get to play for a whopping TEN WHOLE MINUTES with a real live girl. You get to look through profiles and pics, to see which of these glorified escorts you want to fap to… I mean play with… games I mean. Once you find a target… I mean actual girl you would like to engage in video gamery with, send her an invite and the clock starts ticking.
If you are playing on Xbox Live you get 10 minutes to play either COD4, GOW2, GTAIV, or Halo 3. The site “strongly suggest that you create another Gamertag for the use of GameCrush.com.” More than likely because anyone that you know in real life will be heckling you for using this service at all, or should be, anyways. If you don’t have a 360 (and you call yourself a gamer?) then you can play several “casual games” with the ladies as well. Games like (naked) checkers, (naked) Battleship, or even (naked) pool. The perk with the casual games is that you can play them with video as well. Ooooooo.
Once the games are over, feel free to rate your Play Date in the far-from-demeaning fields of: Game Skill, “Flirtiness,” or sadly “Hotness.” Play Dates keep 60% of what ever they pull in during their shift. Which, I could be wrong but, I think is better than the going rate at the moment for hookers. Not sure, though. To add to its already lofty standards, GameCrush.com got a lot of its girls from an open casting call… on CraigsList. Which apparently isn’t going on anymore, because I searched for it and couldn’t find anything.
The best/worst part is that the dates are censored only by the girls themselves. They can block any John… I mean player that they want to. Also since it is being done without monitoring, AND you have to be 18 to even get a date, they can (if they want to) do anything you want… for at least ten minuets. Imagine the possibilities.
It’s a free service for the girls that want to sign up to sell themselves. That being said, there are going to probably be one or two sick individuals that will simply pose as a girl gamer to get into the service, that don’t have the right… equipment. So beware of “HottieVA19” that likes “pwning n00bs” and loves to listen to Lady GaGa and The Black Eyed Peas. If they don’t want to do a video chat, it’s probably because she has an adam’s apple… and a cock.
We as a collective society of game enthusiasts should be not only disgusted with this, but more so, embarrassed that it even exists at all. That being said.. this will probably be huge in Japan, seriously. If you want to check out the site it launches in about 5 hours. So get your incognito gamertag all set up and have your credit card standing by, you sick, deviant bastards. Or, you know, you could just use ChatRoulette.com like the rest of the dudes out there that like to wank in front of random people.
*This is not meant as an attack on girls that actually do play games for fun. There actually ARE good-looking, intelligent women out there that like to play games. I have played with more than a few and their skills are very apparent. The key is to not be a total DICKHOLE and they might actually want to play a couple rounds of COD4 with you… for FREE! I think EVERYONE can agree that this is taking “sex sells” to a whole new low, and dragging gamers (male and females alike) along with it.*
**UPDATE** GameCrush.com has already crashed. They say due to “overwhelming interest.” Not sure if them going down so quickly is a good thing or a bad thing.
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