For whatever reason, I have some sick and twisted love for really bad games. I love watching them, playing them and making fun of them. Thus begins a new series here on Games Are Evil, where I take it upon myself to play through as much and as many of the shittiest games out there, so you don’t have to. I will do my best to complete as much as I can stand of any given game and report back here with the good, the bad, and the incomprehensible things found in these distinguished titles.
Before I get started with my first installment, I feel the need to try to make clear the fine line between good games gone bad, and bad games that could never be good. When I say I like bad games, I mean games like Rumble Roses XX for the 360. Everyone knew pretty much from the announcement of the title that it was going to bomb. It’s cheesy, it’s unoriginal and tit-tacular. It never really had a chance. That is a game I can love (for several reasons).
On the other hand, games like Alone in the Dark (pre-patch), for the 360, are a completely different breed. This game was supposed to have been spectacular. It looked pretty good, had a long heritage to pull from, and everyone had really high hopes that the game could deliver on them. Sadly the mechanics were borked, the story was trite, and the controls had so many issues I won’t even go into them. Making it a good game that was just really frustrating.
So now that you know my feelings on the difference between the two, let’s get on with the show, shall we…
Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazzard – If I had to describe this game to someone that had no clue what it is or what it is about, the best way to sum it up is like this: It’s the video game version of all those Scary Movie/Date Movie/Disaster Movie type flicks that have been “all the rage” recently. It basically takes EVERY video game cliche’ and rolls them all into one package. While this game has its own issues, it was actually surprisingly fun to play. What a way to start off a section about crappy games, by playing a game that ISN’T all that crappy.
Nice shootin’ Tex!
You play as the titular character, “Matt Hazard,” (voiced by Will Arnett) who is literally a video game star. He is very much a self-aware character inside of a game. He was huge in the ’80s and then was signed to a lifetime contract with his developer “Marathon.” That is when things started to go downhill fast. He made westerns, space marine games, a kart racer, even a game called “Soak em” (get it? like SOCOM) that was for kids and used water guns as weapons. Needless to say, his “career” needed a literal reboot.
However, in his most recent game, someone has begun to hack his information, adding in old characters and friends, including his buddy “Master Chef” who works as a cook on a space station, all in the hopes of “killing off” Matt. So naturally, he doesn’t want to be deleted and has to fight his way through the game to the end boss, who also happens to be the CEO of the Marathon Corporation (played by Dougie Howser M.D.).
Given the premise of Eat Lead, it could have failed right off the bat if it wasn’t for the fact that the game never takes itself too seriously. This is never more apparent than in the tutorial level. Throughout most of this stage, Matt actually talks to the screen as it displays the various directions and instructions. “Great, now they are even telling me how to punch a guy,” he says at one point.
I did have to laugh though when they explained a feature that lets you move from one piece of cover to another with the touch of a button. Matt says to the player, “Ok, that new cover thing is actually kinda cool”, which was exactly what I was thinking at the same time. It is very entertaining on several occasions that Matt breaks the fourth wall. One thing that he says actually reveals a rather annoying flaw in the gameplay. As a grenade was thrown at my feet Matt says “Man, I wish I could throw these things back.” Too true Matt… I wish that you could as well.
About halfway through the game, there was a moment that totally threw me off, when I was trying to finish a boss fight. I had just made it to a checkpoint and hit a section of the story. The game then picked back up and went back to the SAME bit of story again. I was confused and played on, at which point it did it again. I thought, great the game is screwed up and keeps repeating itself UNTIL in-game Matt says the same thing. This was when I realize that I had fallen into a programmers trap. It was all part of the fictitious hacking going on in the game. Well played, well played indeed.
The game’s mechanics, other than the grenade oversight, are actually pretty easy to get used to and enjoy. Hugging cover is easy enough, but I found myself wishing it was as easy to get OUT of cover as it is to get INTO it. Using an old trick established with other third-person shooters, the camera has the ability to see enemies before they see you, leaving them open for attack. A perfect example is when you are hiding behind cover and you can set the reticle on an enemy’s head, without ever leaving yourself open to getting shot. Then simply tap the fire button and Matt will pop out tag them in the head, ducking back into cover before they ever knew what hit them. Sure it’s a little cheap, but hey, I was just trying to survive.
The game is surprisingly long, considering the fact that it is a bargain bin purchase. The main storyline is about ten to 12 hours long. On the other hand, the end of the game can get a little annoying after being forced to switch weapons for different enemy sets, and hearing repetitive dialogue from the enemies. Honestly though, for the price I paid for this game and what I was EXPECTING to get out of it, I think this was well worth the play time and money.
Like I said in the beginning, what better way to start off an article about the horrible failure of games than to play through a game that actually wasn’t a horrible failure. Go figure… However, don’t worry. The next several games I have in mind are guaranteed to be 100%, Grade A, painful games. Just know that I can take it, that’s why I play them. I play through the pain, it’s just what I do.
*originally posted August 10, 2009, on Games Are Evil.com (no longer active)
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