To start off this review, it’s quite telling that when I searched for pics for Bayonetta, the above shot came up more than any other. That should just about set the mood for the game itself as well as the review to follow.
Bayonetta is the latest third person action game from SEGA. If the fighting style and look of the game feels like something you have seen before, then you are probably familiar with the games director Hideki Kamiya. His previous title was a little game called Devil May Cry. Not that anyone that has seen either in action couldn’t have drawn the same conclusion.
You play as Bayonetta. She is a witch. She not only sports a killer body, but she has the attitude and moves to back it all up. Unfortunately she also has amnesia, much like about 40% of video game characters these days. From what I can understand from the extremely convoluted and utterly confusing story, she was at some point dead. She is given a second chance at life by Rodin, who I can only speculate, works for the devil, or IS the devil (who knows). The catch is that she has to kill some amount of “Angels” each day in order to not be dragged back to hell. This bit of the story is given to the player in the very beginning of the game, told to you buy Mr. Exposition (Enzo). Enzo also apparently works for Rodin, but you never really hear much more from him after the first bit of story, thankfully, as he is quite annoying. Honestly, more of the “story” unfolds as you play through the game but it is so hard to follow and really doesn’t matter anyway. No one is going to play Bayonetta for its griping narrative.
Angelic "mini" boss
As the picture above so subtly made apparent, this game is all about visuals. Bayonetta is the star, or rather her feminine figure is the star of the game. She make no qwams about throwing her sexuality in your face, seriously. There were several cuts-scenes where I was laughing out loud because of the almost obscene amounts of crotch and butt shots there were. I can imagine that should any thirteen year old kid get a hold of this game, they will be plastered to the screen watching animations, hoping for a glimpse of some sort of wardrobe malfunction. Lemme tell you kid, it ain’t there. I mean… I’m just guessing.
Besides the visual splendor that is Bayonetta’s lady bits, the game does pack quite the graphical punch. The game runs in what I can only speculate is 60fps or somewhere damn close to it. Bayonetta [the game] is all about combos, speed, and flashy death sequences. Using your fist, and hand guns (foot guns?) you rack up hit after hit to do more and more damage. Along the way you will unlock other items to use in disposing of your “Angelic” foes. Items like shotguns, swords, and I guess what you would call “claw weapons”. You can also pick up weapons that your enemies drop once they have been killed. Should you be able to pull of a tight little combo, you can do more damage with, what I called, Hair Attacks. I guess before I go any further, I should explain. Bayonetta is covered in hair. Not like Chewbacca or anything like that. Her hair actually forms the leather like outfit that she wears. When she attacks with these “Hair Attacks”, the hair actually DOES attack. This leaves Bayonetta almost completely naked, but always tastefully covered by a few follicles. Getting enough combos in a row, and filling your magic gauge you can then pull of “Torture Attacks” for MASSIVE damage. These usually consist of putting your opponent into things like an Iron Maiden, or a Guillotine, maybe even smashing them between two giant stone hands. It’s all done with quick button presses to build up more power, and is very fun to watch.
Your book is late. There's gonna be a fine.
Bayonetta has two more skills up her sleeve. In battles where she is being attacked by more than one enemy at once, it helps to have good reflexes and a great sense of timing. As an enemy attacks you, at the last possible second, you can pull the right trigger (360) and she will dodge the attack, thus activating “Witch Time”. Similar to just about every other game that uses the slow-mo effect, “Witch Time” slows your foes down but you can move at normal, if not faster motion. This makes it easier to get behind enemies, or just dole out huge combos while they are basically helpless. Finally, Bayonetta has the ability to use… ahem… “Climax”. Seriously, that’s what it’s called. It usually only becomes available during the huge over the top boss fights, and usually at the very end of the fight. Just when you think that the boss is about to get you, Bayonetta goes into “Climax”. I feel dirty even talking about it like this. Climax uses Bayonetta’s hair attacks on a whole other level. At this point her hair becomes GIANT creatures and takes out the boss in a final gloriously bloody display of power. It really is awesome to watch.
Bayonetta isn’t technically alone in the fight against the angels. There is another apparent witch fighting them as well, though again the story is so confusing, I can’t figure out if she is true fiend or foe. Also to help her out is the afore mentioned Rodin. He acts as a sort of merchant for Bayonetta. With all the “halos” that are collected from fights, you can purchase upgraded weapons, items, abilities, and even other outfits for Bayonetta. Also as you destroy statues, park benches, and planters around the world you will pick up items that can then be mixed together to create, get this, lollipops. Again, I can’t make this stuff up. These lollipops then give Bayonetta a boost in different abilities like: magic, strength, and even grant her invincibility for a short period of time. The game doesn’t EVER clue you in to the fact that this exists, and it wasn’t until very late in the game that I discovered how to do it at all.
All said and done, this game surprised the hell out of me (no pun intended). I totally expected this game to be much like Oneechanbara. Needless to say I was happy to have been wrong. Trying to explain this game to a friend or someone that has no concept of what games of this type are like is pointless. It just doesn’t translate. That being said, if you find this review at all interesting, rent this game. Hopefully you will be as pleasantly surprised as I was. What this game lacks in a cohesive story, it more than makes up for in epic boss fights and non-stop action.
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