Another movie in the, seemingly endless, line of “Massacre” movies. Cheerleader Massacre obviously was just an excuse for the director/writer to see a LOT of boobs.
I was going to write up a synopsis of the film on my own, but I think that the one on Wikipedia sums it up pretty well in one sentence. The movie doesn’t really deserve much more, so here it is, word for word; “Five Cheerleaders go to a cabin in the woods along with their coach and others. They all die.” Yup… that’s it.
Cheerleader Massacre starts off almost scene for scene exactly the same as the original Slumber Party Massacre. It was so close to it that I actually almost turned the movie off. The opening credits are literally nothing but names and boobs. Seconds into the first actual scene of the movie it is a bunch of girls in the shower. Midway through the movie, a 5-minute scene of girls in a tub naked, licking chocolate syrup off each other. I should probably at this point tell you that 1) This is not a porno, despite the description and 2) it is found on Netflix instant. Seriously, I love girls, and I love boobs, but this is just dumb. The girls in this film should really be ashamed of themselves. Seriously. And this comes from a guy that actively searches out horror movies with random acts of violence and boobs.
Much like the overly gratuitous breasts prominent featured in this film, the rest of it is just as overproduced. The girls and a couple boys are lost on a mountain in the middle of “the worst snowstorm of the season” yet they are all wearing tank tops and short sleeve shirts. The only guy acting like it’s cold is the cheerleader roadie/pervert that is playing it up just a wee bit too much. The sound of the wind absolutely howls yet the trees never move. At one point the killer cuts off the power to the house at the broken box yet the lights stay on in the bathroom where the teacher has been showering for at least 30mins of the movie. The cabin supposedly “hasn’t been lived in for a long time” yet it is fully stocked with food, has running water and electricity. Weird.
Cheerleader Massacre isn’t even something that horny thirteen-year-old boys would watch. Maybe back when I was thirteen, before the internet was really the definitive source for porn, but not now. The nude scenes are so extremely overplayed that it’s not even sexy. Hardly any on-screen killing, and an almost total lack of blood except one comical death at the end. This is a movie that isn’t worth anything really. If you access to the internet to watch Netflix instant, you have much better ways to see boobs on screen. No offense to the girls in the movie, they’re all pretty attractive, but this is just a gratuitous use of skin.
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