Remember when you were little and kids had “Cooties”? You’d run around imagining that you were giving it to others or trying to keep away from the “infected” kids. This is that, taken to a new extreme.
Cooties, on the surface, may look like a fun little romp through the playful world of kids with an affliction that causes them to become miniature zombies, but I assure you that it is far worse than that. Cooties follows the story of Clint, a thirty-something, down-on-his-luck (and himself) writer that is back at home working on his novel and taking sub work at the local school. Clint goes to his first day of work at the elementary school in Ft. Chicken Illinois, and finds that his old friend (crush?) works there as well.
Clint and the other teachers carry on about their day of summer school until a little girl [Shelly] in Clint’s class attacks another child in a rather brutal fashion. The other boy [Patriot] is carted off to the nurse, as Shelly runs away. From then on, more children are attacked, and the children then turn their dead, bleeding eyes on the teachers. Now Clint and the others must attempt to save themselves and possibly the rest of the town from the snot-nosed, literal ankle-biters.
When I was told to check out Cooties, it looked at the cast, full of well-known and mostly comedic actors, and thought, why not. I looked like a good cast for a fun zombie movie. Little did I know that this movie is dark as hell and more brutal and bloody than most. It reminded me of the You Can’t Do That On Television episode “UFO Kidnapped”. Obviously not as bloody, but it was such a strange departure from what I knew of the actors. (I’ll tell the story of that YCDTOTV episode later.)
From the second the movie makes the leap into Zombie territory, it never backs down from the bloodshed. Much like the “affliction” from the playground of my youth, the “Cooties” virus is spread simply by touching other kids. However, once those kids are infected, they are as brutal as any zombie you have ever seen on film.
There is humor to be found here, and it comes off well since the majority of the cast is known for comedy. The relationship between Clint, the object of his affection Lucy, and her current boyfriend Wade is particularly well done. There isn’t much humor in any other part of the movie other than the dialog. There were no real scenes of zombies doing any pratfalls or other sight gags. I appreciated this because it was as if the two situations were happening in two different films. When the zombies were around, it was serious business. No messing around. But when the adults were alone, they were free to have ridiculous banter with each other like Wade’s “dual rear-wheel” truck.
This isn’t going to win any awards, and probably won’t appear on any top ten lists, but it’s worth a watch. The ending sets up an obvious sequel by never really ending. I won’t be clamoring for the next one, but at some point, I’d like to see where they (literally) take the next movie.
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