If I didn’t know any better I would swear this was an updated version of “Reefer Madness” for the current generation of kids. However that would be giving way to much credit to Evil Weed and taking away everything that makes Reefer Madness great.
I was a little leery of watching a movie about weed. I am, and never have been a weed-head, and really don’t understand the culture. The ONLY movie based around weed that I think is funny is Half-Baked. That being said, when the movie started and I was subjected to a hysterical woman explaining what happened any why the “weed was evil” I knew I had to suffer through this one.
In it’s entirety, here is said woman’s explanation of why the weed is evil and what happened to her and her friends.
Police Officer: Miss… Woman: *sobbing* PO: Miss, you’re gonna have to speak clearly into the microphone. Woman: Okay, I’ll speak “clearly”. Um, but this is the last time that I’m gonna tell you, because I can’t tell you anymore. I just can’t. *sobs* Oh God, I don’t want to cry anymore. Why do you keep making me relive this? Okay, what I’ve pieced together is this: There was, uh, this operation in Mexico. Marcos got his hands on some really sweet weed seeds, and he hired these guards to harvest it and get it ready for Pauly… Uncle Pauly. You know, he’s the prick we need to find. I mean it’s this real nice thing they had going on down there. Some private crop… *sniffle* Okay. These guys, one of them gets it in the other guys head that there’s something… something in the woods. They think something’s out there. They were fucking freaked out, you know. So they, you know, unload their “AK whatever the fucks”… These guys they let that… that poison… that… The weed, it’s tainted, it’s fucking tainted. *cut to credits*
That is the description of why the weed is evil, word for word. This makes up the first 3mins of the movie. I was pretty glad they threw this in because you get no other explanation of why the weed is evil or even who Uncle Pauly or Marcos are. So the rest of the movie, you would be lead to believe, is told as a flashback from this girls perspective, I am guessing. Apparently everyone has a bad reaction to this “tainted weed” and turns into some sort of zombie-like creature. At one point one of the guys dives into a pool where one of the bodies has been floating and bleeding for about the last third of the movie. He then turns into one of the creatures. This is shown to lead the viewer to believe that it can be spread through contact with the “tainted” water. I say that only because the “stinger” at the end of the movie shows one of the zombie kids walking into the ocean. Sure… yeah. I guess you want us to be freaked out that someone walking into the ocean would taint the entirety of the planets oceans. Okay, why not.
Evil Weed stars no one and has really no redeemable qualities. Watching the movie it was about 30-45mins before anything ever got going. That would be fine if I cared about the characters at all but I am given no reason to. Also the movie is only about an hour and twenty minuets long. So the majority of it was spent watching kids in bathing suits smoke weed, play Frisbee, and swim. Once the “reaction to the weed” started the viewer is then subjected to (no exaggeration) about 15mins of two girls in a dimly lit shed deciding what to do next while sweating and sobbing.
There really is no reason to watch this film. It’s bad enough that there isn’t anything to care about, but not bad enough that it needs to be seen for the humor of it. It was clearly a student film meant to be an attempt at torture porn, or something like it. The problem was that the only bit that was even the slightest graphic was how they closed a wound on the girls ankle (heating up an iron with a acetylene torch). I did however learn two things from this movie. One; you can jam a stick through the chest of a man even if it is only the diameter of a dime. Two; if you are strapped for cash for your SFX budget, Bugles™ make a fine alternative to actual claws.
*also another example of revealing key plot points in the poster*
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