Previously posted on blog and written by B. Demeter
Howling III: The Marsupials (1987). Oh, brother! I watched Howling II a while back and it is awful but I wanted a fresh movie to review. Luckily for me there are about a dozen movies in the Howling franchise- luckily for humanity there is only one Howling that includes marsupials. Are you ready to be under whelmed?! Let’s do it!
The film starts with some exposition of a scientist investigating the appearance of werewolves in both Siberia and Australia. Now, werewolves in Australia are fine. Who gives a shit? Werewolves in mother Russia? In the 80s? Queue up 99 Luftballons!
The movie focuses on Jerboa Jerboa who aside from having the dumbest name I’ve ever heard is also plagued with being a werewolf. For all intents and purposes, she is a redneck from the outback of Australia. The place she comes from is named Flow… I’ll give you a minute to figure that one out… where she is forced to get it on with the alpha-werewolf and hassled by the other she-wolves. Jerboa is having none of that; and even though the alpha-wolf promises to buy her a Sony Walkman if she cooperates, she runs off and hops a bus into Sydney.
Jerboa walks around the city barefoot for a day before getting picked up by Donny. Donny is working on the set of a horror movie, Shape Shifters Part VIII, and thinks Jerboa would be perfect for one of the parts. Things go according to plan, the director agrees to put Jerboa in the movie, and later on Jerboa and Donny have fully clothed sex.
A while later, everyone from SS: 8 are at a costume part. Some strobe lights set Jerboa off and she starts to turn. She freaks out, runs into the street, and gets hit by a car. End of movie.
Nope! She’s still kicking and they take her to the hospital. The doctors examine her and find A) the biggest bush this side of the 1970s and B) a pouch. They also find, to Danny’s infinite luck, that Jerboa is preggo. There is a really creepy scene in there where Danny flashes back to the night he and Jerboa got it on and they see this fucked up little creature crawling around in her belly pouch- it’s just bizarre.
Anyway, some she-wolves from Flow (have you figured it out yet?) come looking for Jerboa and steal her away from the hospital and back to Flow.
Now back to the scientist. He was investigating the Jerboa phenomenon before she got wolf-napped from the hospital. Since she’s no longer there to answer any questions, he goes off to find a Russia-defecting ballet dancer. Before he can talk to her, she changes into a wolf while on stage and nibbles on some dancer. Then they take her to the hospital and she nibbles on some doctors before escaping.
The scientist is like fuck this shit and heads off to Flow (seriously, it’s right in front of your face!). Meanwhile, Jerboa’s baby thing crawls out of her va-jay-jay and into her pouch; which is by far the grossest thing in this film so far. Danny shows up and seems to take all this madness pretty well. In his defense, Jerboa Jerboa is extremely attractive. Although, whether she is hot enough to deal with all this bullshit is up for debate.
Then the movie swims off into the deep end and gets kooky. With all due deference, dare I say, it gets Australian. I don’t know what I expected, but what I got was not a-typical. I’m not going to get into the end of the movie. I’ve seen it and that is something I’ll have to live with the rest of my life. On medical documents and government forms, I’ll have to check the box next to ‘Has seen the ending of Howling Tres: The Marsupials’. Whether you decide to watch it is between you and your god. But I would highly suggest you give it a go. This movie is out there in a good way. It definitely peaked my interest in watching more of the Howling series.
Flow is Wolf backwards! Christ, I hope everyone got that.
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