Cool monster, check. Great cast, check. PG-13… uh oh.
It’s a common occurrence in Hollywood for two films to be in in production at the same time with the same concept. I’m not talking concept in terms of “war movie” or “bros get drunk and shirk responsibility”, but very specific concepts that you’ve never seen before, then all of a sudden here’s two different versions. The most commonly cited examples are the dual “giant meteor” disaster movies Armageddon and Deep Impact from 1998. I won’t get into the movie industry back room machinations that lead to this phenomenon, but whatever the reason, it happened last year with the subject of this review and the also Krampus-centric A Christmas Horror Story. And so, after being let down by the entirety of American cinematic history up through 2015, we now have two major motion pictures to fill the Christmas-themed, Bavarian folklore shaped hole in our collective consciousness (and two more on the way!)
For those of you not in the know (what, are you living in 2014!?), Krampus is the evil version of Santa Claus, who focuses on punishing the kids who find themselves on the naughty list, as opposed to rewarding the good kids (which is Santa’s domain.) He truly does originate in Austrian and Bavarian folklore, and possibly has roots in pre-Christianity paganism, so this is not a new invention. In this film, he seems to be summoned less for the purposes of punishing disobedience as much as punishing a lack of Christmas spirit. When the discord in a suburban family drives its Christmas-loving son to rip up his letter to Santa, a massive blizzard blows in and a mysterious force starts dealing death and mayhem in the area. Well, not so mysterious… it’s Krampus you guys. His name’s right in the title. Soon, the family must pull together to battle the demonic henchmen of Krampus (including a malicious jack-in-the-box and evil gingerbread men) and hopefully retrieve their missing members unharmed.
Krampus has some things going for it. Foremost is the cast, which is full of ringers: Adam Scott (Party Down; Parks & Recreation), Alison Tolman (Fargo (the series)) and Dave Koechner (Anchorman; The Office) just to start. The production design is good, and some of the demonic toys are pretty damn creepy. Krampus himself is also pretty cool and scary looking. Where the film falls down, though, is that it feels way too safe. There is no blood or gore, which is certainly due to the PG-13 rating. I’m not one who needs Sam Raimi-like geysers of viscera to enjoy a horror movie, but the absence of on-screen death absolutely robs the movie of a sense of stakes. Particularly because the only confirmed death is a non-important delivery truck driver, and this just doesn’t feel like a movie that is going to kill any of its’ principals, especially the ones that are minors. I mentioned in last year’s review of The Babadook that I don’t do well with children in peril, but I never once had a twinge of concern as I watched Krampus, despite the seemingly perilous conditions that the many children so frequently found themselves in. Since the danger rang hollow, the necessary catharsis for the family to complete its arc and appreciate each other also felt unearned. Even the twist ending, meant to be an ironic Tales from the Crypt-style “gotcha”, couldn’t imbue the previous 90 minutes with any more heft.
I really wanted to like this one, but unfortunately it succumbs to the most common downfall of comedy/horror movies: The comedy isn’t funny and the horror isn’t scary. At least something like Jack Frost has audacious scenes of murder and rape-by-carrot to fall back on and make you remember it. Krampus, unfortunately, is already fading away from my memory. Soon, it’ll be like its 2014 all over again.
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