Before we even get to the review, let’s address the atrocious title. I stumbled upon an interview with director Drew Barnhardt. In that interview he was directly asked how he came up with the title. Some of that is addressed in the lengthy tag line for the movie, but he also went on to add;
If you enjoy the title one reason to get the DVD is that there is a special feature on there called ‘Title Madness’ where I open up my notebook and share all of the alternate titles that were considered. All of which are just as ridiculous, if not more so, than Murder Loves Killers Too. Roughly 15 pages of amusing alternate titles.
I would actually LOVE to know what WASN’T good enough to work as the title. Basically what he is saying is that this is the best of the worst. I couldn’t come up with something good so I chose the one that didn’t sound as bad as the rest. This just shows how awesome a movie “Murder Loves Killers Too” really is.
Murder Loves Killers Too is a movie about a group of kids taking a little get away to the woods (aren’t they always). Five kids rent a house in the mountains to get away from the “stressful” life at the beach. Upon arrival they are systematically murdered one by one.
Where do I begin deconstructing this “film”? Let’s start with the writing. Almost literally for the first 10-15 minutes of the movie each of the kids must have said “party” about ten times. They used it as all forms of communication. “Hey, there’s a deck. Party!” or “What are we going to do tonight? Party.” … or “I’m gonna go for a run. … Party.” It was as if Nick Swardson had written this script. When they all arrive at the house –which by the way had the Honda Accord parked in front of it that the killer drives, apparently– they look in EVERY room of the house… EXCEPT the one that the killer happens to be living in. Isn’t that convenient?
When we are first introduced to the killer, he is seen wearing a bathrobe and has the most bored look on his face. It was something similar to mine while watching it. Actually if you look at the poster, the very look I am talking about is captured there. As the movie goes on the killer is shown cleaning up after his kills. Which is nice. He then sets the table apparently for “Stevie’s” 7th birthday. At least that’s what the cake says. He then shows up wearing sunglasses and a party hat on his mouth. While I understand you want to show your killer is nuts, going over the top with it makes him seem stupid. And not like John Malkovich in “Of Mice and Men” stupid, I mean proper stupid.
There is forty plus minutes left in the movie and one character left to kill, and she is stuck in a bedroom. While she struggles to figure a way out of the house, we are treated to literally fifteen minutes of the movie shot through a keyhole in a door. We get to see the killer (no lie) eat ice cream, blow his nose, and clean up some more. This does not make a suspenseful scene. I could watch this just about any day I wanted, if I just looked out my window.
When all is said and done, the final girl is dressed in a nightgown, tied up on a bed, and gets the worst torture of all… a bunch of exposition from the killer himself. He explains that he has a “sexual addiction” and she can help him with it. The creepy-ness isn’t really there until he tells her to refer to him from then on as “Daddy”. That’s pretty gross. Then the scene is blown by him talking again. He had her hands tied behind her, then he literally says in the film “You know what? I’m gonna call an audible here. Sorry to throw you a curve ball.” Firstly, don’t have the killer say dumb shit. Secondly using a football term mixed with a baseball term is a bunch of bull hockey (see what I did there?).
As the movie drags on she escapes (Yay!) but he catches and (thinks) he kills her (Awwww). Stuffed into his trunk (remember that Accord) and driven back to the killers house in the burbs. He gets out, goes in his house, and is greeted by his (adulterer) wife. For the next thirty minutes we are made to suffer through a day in the life of the killer, who we find out is named… Steve. There is noting scary about a killer named Steve… NOTHING. So Steve wakes up and his wife tells him to call an exterminator about the bees in the house. I mention this only because when he is in the bathroom, there is a dead bee in the sink. They make a HUGE deal about the bee. So much so that, if I were to guess, the Bees themselves are telling Steve to kill people. Kinda like an insect version of “The Son of Sam”.
Steve then goes and has breakfast and gets ready for another day at the office. He walks outside where he (presumably) totally forgets that there is a body in his trunk. Upon opening it, the girl who he once thought was dead, beats him about the head and neck with a tire iron. Not satisfied with crushing his skull, she rips out his tongue then forces him to eat it, and he drowns on his own blood. –AND SCENE–
If you have made it to the end of this review, you literally have NO REASON to watch this film. Forget that I ever made mention of it. Move on with your lives. It is best for all involved. Good night and good luck. Fuck.
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