Samurai Cop is possibly the worst movie I have ever seen, and I absolutely love it for that. This is one of those films that makes it extremely hard to tell people why you like to watch movies that are almost completely un-watchable to the normal person. I’ll do my best to sell everyone on this masterpiece in failure.
Trying to describe why Samurai Cop is an amazingly good movie in one or two sentences would be an impossible feat. If you [the reader] continue further into this review, know that every time I say that something is really good, I don’t mean in an Oscar worthy way. What I actually mean is that it is so incredibly bad, that it almost leads me to think that it is intentional in an almost genius way.
The premise alone is so ridiculous that it sounds like someone made it up over more than a few beers. Joe Marshall is a cop brought in on special assignment from another precinct by his friend and fellow cop, and token black guy, Frank Washington. Joe is “fluent in Japanese” and is brought in to help break up the “Katana Gang”. Joe and Frank trek around town shooting bad guys and Joe has a lot of (overly drawn out) sex. In the end they manage to beat the bad guys. Also, Robert “catchers mitt for a face” Z’Dar plays the main thug and is just as bad with a sword as he is with acting.
So what makes this movie so incredibly good? The simple answer is; everything. Casting, writing, cinematography, foley, almost literally everything about this movie is amazing. Joe as the cop that speaks “fluent Japanese” never says one thing really in Japanese. Though he does manage to screw up, intentionally it seems, the name of the head drug boss (“Fuj-Fujiyama”). Speaking of Japanese, not a single one of the Japanese actors is credited on IMDB with being in this movie. That should tell you a lot. So anyway, Joe and Frank are so terribly acted it is truly hilarious. Joe plays this, apparent, sex crazed cop that just wants to have sex with every woman he meets, and attempts to do so. Joe’s hair is so thick and long that he looks more like Fabio than any credible police officer. Frank is the token black guy that spits one-liners, makes racial remarks about his “black ass” and constantly looks directly into camera.
The “action” contained with in Samurai Cop is even more ridiculous than the acting surrounding it. At one point Joe and Frank attempt to tell off the drug boss in what looks like a late 80’s era Olive Garden, only to be shut down. As they exit the building, Z’Dar sends his goons after them, then proceeds to shoot up their car with an Uzi before throwing a grenade to destroy the car. All of this takes place with a budget of maybe $150- $200. I can’t even describe how hilarious this scene is and do it any justice. Later Joe is accosted by “four assassins” that consisted of three dudes in sweats and a guy with a tank top on. In the final “climactic” fight, Z’Dar and Joe fight with swords. The entire fight is under-cranked to the point that it should have had “Yackity Sax” playing over top of it.
Lets’s delve into the majesty that is the writing in Samurai Cop. As I said it’s like a couple guys got together and had more than they should have to drink, and hammered out this horrendous script. One of those two guys had to have been Matt Hannon who plays Joe. Looking at his IMDB his credits before Samurai Cop were for “carpenter” on two equally bad movies. But I digress… Examples like “What does Katana mean?” … “It’s Japanese, for sword.” Or another “Do you think he can answer a few questions?” … “No way his lips are burned.” Here is how a typical scene played out;
Woman – “You wanna ask me questions? Where?” Joe – “In my car.” *Cut to interior of a house*
So not only is the writing spectacular the blocking and cinematography is wonderful. In a later scene, a cop is being questioned by the bad guys and just BEFORE he is stabbed in the stomach his shirt magically has blood in the exact spot he will be stabbed moments later. Way to go continuity guy… nah, they didn’t have one of those. Why am I kidding.
Probably my favorite part about this entire amazing package is the additional dialog recordings (ADR for short). Many times over the course of the movie characters will change their voice entirely. Joe at one point has an accent that he previously never had. Then there are times when several actors will run on screen and every one of them has the same exact voice saying “Hey! Wait a minute. I wanna talk to you.” At one point the helicopter pilot is yelling over the whirr of the engine and seconds later is talking in a normal tone of voice to Joe and Frank 50ft below her, and yet they can both, some how, understand each other perfectly.
Samurai Cop is just a glorious movie. I said when I first started watching it that I was floored it hadn’t appeared on an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000, but that was before the several gratuitous sex scenes that, frankly, lasted way to long. From horrible acting, poor writing, amazingly bad foley and ADR work, Samurai Cop is just the perfect storm of bad (good?) B-Movie material. It’s kinda rare that I buy movies anymore, and it’s even more rare that I pre-order one, not to mention that it’s only on DVD. If you enjoy bad movies for all the right reason, Samurai Cop is definitely one that needs to be added to a “must watch” list. Just know going in that you will laugh more AT the movie than WITH it.
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