I have heard stories about this movie for years. The level of it’s turrible-ness is legendary. After watching the entire thing over the course of three days, I can confirm, it earns that status.
In the early eighties, slasher films were just really starting to get going. After the huge success of movies like Nightmare on Elm St, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and naturally Friday the 13th, it was only a matter of time before studios tried to make a parody.
A family inherits a house, that is cursed, from their uncle. There is never any real explanation of WHY the house is cursed, but apparently it revolves around an ancient book. Over the course of the movie, monsters invade the house, in an attempt to get at the book. Monsters including knock-offs of Dracula (played by Jeffrey Tambor), Creature from the Black Lagoon, Wolfman, and other nondescript monsters. In the end, an “exterminator” by the name of VanHelsing, is called to take out the “bats in the belfry”. It turns out he is actually the bad guy, and the book he is seeking actually destroys him. There, that’s the end of the movie.
This movie was made as a parody of other horror movies, but where as most parodies are funny, Saturday The 14th is devoid of humor. Not once did I laugh. Not once. I felt like this movie was four hours long, despite the fact it was barely theatrical length (75mins). What bothered me the most about this garbage movie is that it was made as a shameless cash-grab after the movies above came out, it prefers to focus on movie monsters from the thirties and forties. This lead me to wonder who this movie was made for?
Normally my hatred of terrible horror movies is reserved for the tripe that Troma puts out, however here, I will make an exception. Saturday The 14th is atrocious. It lacks any originality, and is vacant of any humor what so ever. More surprising than how bad this movie truly is, is the fact that there was a sequel made called Saturday The 14th Strikes Back. In case you are wondering, no, I will not watch that. I refuse. Don’t bother with this one, not even for morbid curiosity.
Comments