I think it has become horribly apparent that I like a good “Sorority” movie. I also like a good “Massacre” movie. Putting the two together into one film, how could that possibly go wrong? In a number of ways, really.
Every year in Grizzly Cove a gaggle of sorority girls from different chapters of the Sigma Phi Pi sorority gathers. They come to learn new skills and be taught how to be the best they can be for the sorority under the tutelage of Stella Fawnskin. She selects seven girls and by the end of their time there she chooses one girl to be the best girl(?) and get a grant.
On the way to the secluded Grizzly Cove, one of the seven girls Holly pulls over to walk her dog and check in with her dad. She receives a phone call from a mysterious voice that threatens to kill her. Which, true to their word, they do by melting them with some sort of acid. The rest of the girls show up on the island and report to Mrs. Fawnskin’s estate and don’t seem too worried about their missing competition. She is, after all, competition and without her there it makes the talent pool that much more shallow. A detective that is inches away from being kicked from the LAPD for excessive force (that’s saying something) is sent to Grizzly Cove to keep an eye on the girls and possibly track down Holly, his daughter. One by one the girls start dying and the detective’s job gets that much harder. It doesn’t help that the only other law enforcement officers on the island are a bumbling sheriff and his horny deputy.
Sorority Party Massacre is a weird low budget horror movie full of has-been actors. Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo plays the Captain of the LAPD that detective Watts works for. Mrs. Fawnskin is played by Debbie Callahan who played Sgt. Callahan in the Police Academy movies, and still looks pretty good, even at 70. The rival detective at the LAPD is Ron Jeremy. Hell, even the boat captain that carries the kids to the island is played by Richard “Bull” Moll from Night Court. Its appropriately cast for a sub-par B-movie is what I am saying.
There isn’t much new in the Sorority Party Massacre. Almost every single death is played out in some form or another in movies before it and most of them were done better than this. There are some laughably bad scenes however that I quite enjoyed. Most notably the first death on the island. A girl is sent to the stables to clean them up. When the girl gets there she says she can’t clean up the “filthy” stables while the scene plays out in an arguably spotless stable. Then she is killed by being stung to death by bees… … shot from a leaf blower. There’s also the repeated scene of people picking up the phone saying “There’s no dial-tone!” when you can hear the actual dial-tone on the phone. Apart from that, there isn’t much to salvage from this one. Not enough boobs to be good for that, and the deaths are boring. This one shouldn’t have passed the pledge stage.
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