It’s been a while since I laughed at a horror movie this much. Mind you, it’s not because it’s a comedy or even because it was intentionally bad. This is one of those “How Did This Get Made” kind of bad movies.
People from a small town are attacked by evil radioactive tree roots growing in the forest.
That’s really the only summary of the plot that you need. I could have boiled it down furth to “bad stuff happens to people involving trees” and you still would have understood every facet of this terrible movie. Now, I say “terrible” but I want to make clear that this movie is one that I will completely recommend that people watch. It’s one of those movies that should be riffed by MST3K or Rifftrax or … anyone else that does that kind of thing. It deserves to be seen by a larger audience, much like Samurai Cop, simply because it is so laughably terrible.
Let’s start with the title itself and how it goes by so many different names. It is apparently the third in an Italian trilogy of films call “Troll”. However, the only connection to the previous films is a song that plays in the background of one scene from “Troll 2”. None of the characters are the same, and the plot is entirely different. It also goes by “The Crawlers” and is labeled as such on VuDu, where I found it. Finally, it goes by “Contamination 7”. This final title was what showed up when I started the movie and caused me to have to go back and check that I was, in fact, watching the same movie. So it suffers from somewhat of an identity crisis, I guess.
Everyone in this film shouldn’t (and most didn’t) ever work again in movies. I’ve seen better acting in middle school plays. The script is terrible –Or, maybe it’s the director… I’m not sure.– but even a bad script can be read better than these folks read it. One scene, in particular, is so stiff that I was almost in tears watching it. Three men sit in a room (just the three of them) and they are having a terse conversation about what is going on around town. Each of them will refer to the other as “Doctor [whomever]”. Never once do they use first names, or just speak to the person they are facing without first saying the “Doctor” in front of their last name. It’s remarkably stiff and devoid of any emotion, even though they are talking about things they clearly SHOULD have an emotional reaction to.
The climactic scene takes place on a hillside full of radioactive barrels and killer tree roots and no one seems to see that as a problem. They purposefully and without a second thought drive to a site that will likely kill them, either through exposure or murderous trees, and begin working unprotected. No gloves. No suits. No masks. Nothing is used to keep them safe. Also, in the “planning phase” of this remarkably idiotic mission, the town prostitute (she is referred to as such and I’m pretty sure she is the one depicted on the poster.) shows up to help the group. When she arrives they treat her as if she is the queen stepping from her throne to help her people in a fight for their lives. It’s bizarre, but only in so much as that wouldn’t be treated the same way in literally any other film. It also has one of the best non-car chase car chases in a movie.
Watch this movie. It’s streaming for free on VuDu (with limited commercial breaks) and is totally worth twice that price.
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