Previously posted on blog and written by B. Demeter
A horror movie written by Stephen King and directed by George Romero, need I say more? I really hope not because there isn’t much else to say.
This movie is… alright. The acting is good, everyone performs admirably; I know very little about cinema but I guess I can say it is shot well. But it doesn’t really live up to the byline. George “I Created the Zombie Genre” Romero and Stephen “I Defined Modern Horror Literature” King should have produced a truly great film. But, spoiler alert, they didn’t.
The plot involves a writer, Thad Beaumont (a name I can’t roll my eyes at hard enough), attempting to write-off a pseudonym, George Stark, under which he wrote sleazy pulp fiction. George Stark doesn’t let a little fact like he is imaginary stop him from materializing in the real world and start murder/death/killing people. Birds are involved for some reason- they might be a metaphor but I doubt it. If it sounds interesting it really is not; the movie plays out like a two-hour long detective drama. Or rather: a bland two-hour long detective drama.
I’m trying to fluff it up a bit more but that is really all there is to it; aside from a slightly obvious reveal as to WHY George is tormenting Thad. The murders are sort of neat. A kill that occurs in a hallway with flashing red and blue lights stuck in my mind as being stylized and spooky. But that’s all there is to it. Thad runs around looking worried and trying to protect his family. George slicks back his hair and cuts peoples throats with a straight razor. The sheriff wants to pin the murders on Thad because that is the easy answer and actual detective work is hard. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
I’ve seen bad/forgettable horror movies- more than I’d ever admit to. But to see a bad/forgettable horror movie written and directed by Stephen King and George Romero is truly disheartening. I, as a general rule, will watch and love anything George Romero is associated with. Night, Dawn, Day, Land, Diary and Survival of the Dead are my fucking jam. I like the original The Crazies. Martin blew my mind. I even forced myself to like that motorcycle ridding medieval knight movie Knightriders! I really wanted The Dark Half to be great. For Christ sake, the movie ends with Thad and George having a write-off to see who can finish the story faster. They might as well of played bingo at that point.
The saving grace of this movie, and the only reason I decided to post a review of it a really gross scene at the beginning. It happens within the first few minutes and, unless you are wholly and truly stupid, you’ll figure it out and spoil the movie for yourself. In the opening of the movie, teenage Thad gets a bitch of a migraine. Next scene, he is in an operating room and doctors are cutting into his skull. They pop that sucker open and find that Thad has an eye, nose and other bits and bobs of an absorbed twin on his brain. The absorbed twin turns out to be George! How did he materialize as a fully formed human? Don’t know, it is never explained.
The scene with the eye on the brain is how I will remember this movie. Also, at the very end George gets pecked to death by a hell of a lot of birds; which is kind of cool. Again, that might be a metaphor but I’m guessing it’s not. They are sparrows, which aren’t exactly the most badass birds but considering the rest of the movie I’ll take what I can get.
I give it ten stars based on the fact that it was directly by George Romero. I’m looking forward to getting the Blue Ray when it comes out next month.
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