I am a child of the 80’s, and I vividly remember getting the Garbage Pail Kids cards. Hell, I still have the majority of them from back then. Even with rampant nostalgia for all things kid-dom in the 80’s, nothing could save this atrocious movie. It’s got the word “Garbage” right there on the cover.
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie is based on the collectible cards of the same name from the mid 80’s. “Dodger” is a kid that is down on his luck and getting beat up for money by “Juice” and his “gang”. Dodger lives with his friend(?) Captain Manzini in an antiques shop, in “the city”. Manzini is harboring a secret, though. Dodger one day, during a fight with Juice, stumbles upon a “Garbage Pail” and the contents spill out. Inside are seven deformed creatures dubbed “The Garbage Pail Kids”. They are hated and feared by society so much so that Manzini used a magic spell to keep them locked up, for their own safety. Upon release, they begin to help Dodger with his Juice problem by… making clothes for him. Juice has the kids locked up in “The State Home For The Ugly”, and it’s up to Dodger and Manzini to get them out.
I don’t even know where to begin with this horrible movie. It should be said that it sits at a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and with obvious good reason. Anthony Newly tries his best to comedically carry this movie on his back and is beaten into the dust because of it. The thing I can’t for the life of me figure out is this; Why does a guy that is clearly in his 30’s only pick on and extort money from a thirteen year old kid? I realize its a movie, but it makes no sense what so ever.
The only people I feel more sorry for than the ones that had to watch this movie, are the poor little people actors that had to carry those atrocious animatronic heads around for hours and hours. This movie requires you to take so many leaps of faith and willfully suspend pretty much all disbelief. For example; in the sewer system there is a dedicated water line marked “Hot Tub” that apparently only goes to one hot tub. Also, someone thought it would be funny to have a cage in the home for the ugly, that was dedicated to people (or one guy in this movie) that is “too crippled”. The Garbage Pail Kids Movie tries so incredibly hard to be funny and falls flat on its dumb malformed head each and every time. Under no circumstances should you watch this movie, ever.
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie summed up in a single frame.
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