Previously posted on blog and written by S. Kess
Astronauts in space are bombarded with cosmic rays and it gives one of them the incredible power to melt to death! He is The Amazing Human Fondue! Wait, sorry, I meant to say “The Incredible Melting Man!”
If you are thinking to yourself “gee willikers, that sure sounds like the origin story of the Fantastic Four!” Well, my friend, you are correct. 1977’s “The Incredible Melting Man” is a science fiction horror film and it almost works as a “What If? the Fantastic Four origin went really, really wrong” and I am into it.
The US government has been sending astronauts up to space and they keep coming back sick, so they definitely don’t learn anything and keep doing it and covering it up. There are so many sick rocket jockeys that they have a secret hospital filled with storage containers used as hospital rooms. Steve West (Alex Rebar) is the most recent space schmuck to be admitted to the facility and is having a bad day. He is covered head to toe with bandages and the doctors have no idea what to do with him.
He ends up tearing off his bandages to reveal… Deadpool? Dude, what he fuck are you doing in this movie? Oh, wait, no. That is just Mr. West who is a melty mess. The nurse comes in, he rages and claws her. She runs like hell down the world’s longest hallway with… no one in pursuit. She is so freaked she “Kool-aid Mans” her ass right out a glass door. All of sudden Fondue Man is behind her and he ends her marathon. Melty escapes and goes for a scenic stroll through the country. He encounters some locals, some live, some die, the annoying kids survive. He has gooey feet and makes great splorching sounds as he walks and puss drips from him. He really is a melting motherfucker, good gravy! The second best part of the film is when it sidetracks to show two elderly people driving down a country road when they realize they are in a citrus orchard. The old woman tells her fella to stop so they can steal oranges as a gift for her daughter. He informs her they are lemons and she replies “even better,” so they get out and steal lemons. This goes on for an insanely long time until they are scared by dogs and go back to their car only to hear Darth Vader breathing in the back seat where Fon-dude is waiting to eat them with a nice twist of lemon. Yeah, apparently he eats people to keep from melting as fast. While Mr. Drippy does his thing, he is being “chased” by Dr. Ted Nelson who wants to help Steve West while the rest of the government wants to cover up a mistake. Burr DeBenning does a fine job as Ted, but the character seems to not give a single shit. From there we follow him as he slowly goes from place to place, melting and dripping more and more as Ted “gives chase” by waiting for him to come to him in a complete coincidence. From there we get the slowest finale around and the movie ends. “The Incredible Melting Man” is a trip. Most of the men underact, most of the women overact (especially Judy and Nell who are hilariously overwrought.) It looks like a slightly higher budget episode of CHiPs with music and sound effects that are fantastic.
The real reason to be here is the effects. The Melting Man is insanely cool-looking and evolves through the film to get gooier and gooier and it is so much fun to see. Rick Baker is an all-time great at making creatures and he knocked it out of the park with the Melting Man.
“The Incredible Melting Man” is a film about not learning from mistakes and trying to cover it up and it biting you in the ass. Much like the creature, the film is slow and plodding, but it has more than enough cool and weird moments (geriatrics stealing lemons, seriously?) to keep you engaged. The effects by Baker are reason enough to take this ride. If you like a good creature, give it a go.
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