Horror movies are really hard to do apparently. The number of really fantastic horror movies out there is dwarfed by the number of shitty retreads. So anytime I find a real gem, it’s is something that brings me a lot of happiness.
As the previous post suggested, I am quite the movie fan. If I had to nail down a genre that is my absolute favorite, Comedies would be tops, no question. However, following a close second would be Horror. So being able to combine the two like “Shaun of the Dead” for instance is the perfect storm. So when I heard about Zombieland, and the story that was involved with it, I was ready for some more comedy zombie deaths.
Zombieland starts with Michael Cera… I mean Jesse Eisenberg talking about how the world has gone to “a total shit storm.” Then he gives a few of his rules of survival (rule #4 is particularly brutal). Followed by probably the best utilization of both Metallica’s “For whom the bell tolls” and super slow-mo death scenes, for the opening credits. Such an awesome way to start a movie.
How did things get this way? Apparently, mad cow disease was worse than we thought. “Patient Zero” took a bite of a contaminated burger and it was all downhill from there. The entire world is now infested with zombies. No government, no army, no help. It’s every many woman and child for themselves.
The story picks up with our main character, Eisenberg, that will be known as “Columbus” simply because of where he is from. He is on his way from his dorm “headed East” to his parent’s house, and hopefully safer territory. He quickly meets up with “Tallahassee” played by Woody Harrelson. Tallahassee is a self-professed person that is “hard to get along with” and also “in the ass-kicking business”. Tallahassee also has one small flaw, if you will. He is on a quest for a Twinkie, this comes into play several times over the course of the movie, with hilarious results. They agree to stay together to survive (much like Left 4 Dead) and start to head East.
Eventually, Columbus and Tallahassee meet up with Wichita and Little Rock, two (apparent) sisters. They immediately trick Columbus and Tallahassee out of their ride, guns, ammo, and sugarless gum. Not once but three times, really. In between duping the boys out of their stuff, they play nice and enjoy the ride. Now headed west the group travels that direction to reach “Pacific Playland” that is rumored to be zombie-free.
Much more zombie killing and bloodletting is had, along with a helpful helping of humor, both lighthearted and dark. Playland was zombie-free, but not for long. Columbus takes a manly step forward and acts as the hero, and even Tallahassee get his Twinkie. Speaking of… that few frames of the film are probably the best acting I have ever seen Woody Harrelson do. By the end of the movie, Columbus realizes that the people he has been traveling with are just about the only family he has ever really had and decides its best if they all stay together. The movie ends and the sequels are almost assured.
I have two big issues with this movie. One is pretty petty and can be caulked up to me NOT content to live in the “willful suspension of disbelief” that most movies expect you to be in. Where are all the OTHER zombies? There are like 300+ million people just in the US. Where did they all go? Why is the power still on? The other big problem I have is with Wichita and Little Rock. Two girls smart enough to come up with schemes to trick people (not just Columbus and Tallahassee) are pretty frickin stupid by the end of the movie. They go to this theme park. What is the first thing they do? Break the chain that was locking the front gate and potentially keeping out at least SOME zombies. Then not content to just be in a park devoid of zombies, they turn on ALL the lights, sounds, and rides in the park. Attracting every zombie within a twenty-mile radius. It just seemed like really REALLY bad planning.
That being said, this movie is hilarious, brutal, and just fun to watch. Don’t pick it apart and you won’t find its flaws because you will be too happy with the good parts. It truly makes me sad that this wasn’t picked up as a weekly show. I would have loved to see it on that kind of schedule. Though it does explain why they kept referring to “Zombie Kill of the Week.” Which would have made a great addition to a weekly program. Any weekly program, really.
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